Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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