i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
