I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
