Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
