Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
