I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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