he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
