Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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