Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
