i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
