Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
