not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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