I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
