By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
