I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
