I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
