Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
