How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
