when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
