Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My pussy is not your playground.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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