Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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