We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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