but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
