everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
