i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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