Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
