I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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