My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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