Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize