ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
