I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
