I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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