dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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