my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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