I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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