I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
