Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
