Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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