I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
