I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
