oh god the rape fog is back!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
