someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
