She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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