Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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