That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
