I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
