listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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