on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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