we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
