did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
