She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
