Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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