I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
