How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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