take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
